It’s really hard for me to consider life after high school. Even though I’ve only got seven hours left at the place, it doesn’t seem real. I’m sitting up in my room, cramming for my last Precalculus test like a madman (just like I have once a month for the last two years), and that was truly all I was focused on today. It’s crazy. Yesterday it seemed like these were going to be the longest two days of my life and now it’s half way over.
I’m trying to find a job in Evansville so I will have some sort of income when I go off to college. I’m thinking about what I’m going to put in my dorm room to make it look like less of a dorm room. I’m writing three Finale arrangements a day so that I will have something to show people at school when they ask to see my composition portfolio. I even wrote a teaching philosophy for good measure. And somehow, I haven’t once thought about the fact that my college move-in day is August 20.
So far for college I’ve managed to get two textbooks, a graphing calculator, and like, one towel. I’m pretty sure that’s not even going to get me through the first day, much less five years worth of classes, which is what I’m starting to realize. The whole “live for the now” thing doesn’t really work when you’re stuck in purgatory between college and high school. That one summer is the time when I’m supposed to figure out what I want to portray myself as in college and I don’t even have time to plan for that because I’m busy studying for tomorrow’s final.
Does it even matter what I am in college? I mean, really. I don’t want to be that one loser who sits in the back, takes it all in, then proceeds to bomb every test and not use office hours to my advantage. I also don’t want to be the kid that is known by everyone, which I’m fairly certain is going to be quite possible when going to college on a campus with no more than 3,000 other people. So far I haven’t found a happy medium.
In high school, I was a semi-neurotic leader type. I was a drum major. I had to have everything the way that I needed it and it had to be that way in order for the world to spin properly on its axis. The idea that that isn’t going to be a thing anymore is somewhat worrisome.
Yes, these are the things I lament about at 10 pm whilst gearing up for the mother of all cramming sessions. Anyhow, I’m going to take my Zycam and vitamins and jump right in, because the sooner I finish these guides, the sooner I can get a couple of hours of sleep.