Two Majors that I’m Scared Of

So, I don’t know if you all were told the same things that I was as a child, but when I was younger I was always told to go to college to do what I wanted. That’s why, at this point in my life I am majoring in music education and music therapy (ensuring that I will be vastly unemployable). It’s at this point during Fall Break, however, when I’ve started to wonder whether or not this really what I want to be doing for the rest of my life.

When I was in high school, I was able to teach Kindergarten through sixth grade music for two years and it was absolutely wonderful. They knew by name and I knew nearly all of them by name as well. We built up a rapport by the end of my senior year. They knew what I expected of them and I knew what to plan for on the bad days when they came through the door. It was a ball and a half and I was convinced that that was what I wanted to do for the rest of my life. Nevertheless, I was interested to learn what there was to know about music therapy, so I entered college with a double major – music therapy and music education.

Music therapy seemed like a perfect fit for me because I was able to continue on with learning music while also helping people. As a four-year member of Key Club, helping people is something that I am genuinely impassioned about. However, I don’t think I’ll be able to stomach the idea of could end up working with people in hospice care – people who are actively dying. That is a concept that is just too grim for me to even imagine. Of course I want to offer what comfort I can to those who are in pain and actively dying, but I have to wonder what the affect will be on my psychological state after so many years of working in this field. Will I be able to handle it?

These questions and more swirl through my head as I prepare to head back to my university tomorrow morning. It’s not that I’m not happy with the school that I chose or the courses that I’m taking. I’m just worried that once I get out of college, I’ll discover that I’ve chosen the wrong things for myself. Have any of you ever felt this way? Leave your thoughts in the comments section below.

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